Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Tuesday Tunes #53: He Knows My Name

i recently began to listen to the local christian music radio station on my way to work. i remembered a friend from college would listen to that station when she was stuck in that notorious LA traffic. over the last few months i found myself pretty wound up on the way to work that i decided to give that station a try as opposed to listening to mainstream radio stations or the public radio station. and guess what, it worked. after just a few days of listening to that station i felt so much more at peace. now i alternate between public radio, mainstream and the christian music station, i've struck a balance if you will. one song however has stuck out to me from the beginning which actually goes well with the theme of humility:

In fact I'd understand if 
You picked everyone before me 
But that's just not my story 
True to who You are 
You saw my heart 
And made something out of nothing

Monday, January 19, 2015

living with hope pt. 1

It has been quite some time since I have taken the time write in this blog. I had all but forgotten about this blog. It wasn't until last night when I joined my friend for a Presbyterian service that I felt inclined to write. Perhaps it was the fact that the pews held notepads and pencils for attendees to take notes on during the service. I thought about all the times I have gone to mass and felt touched by a particular verse or anecdote from the presider's homily and spent the rest of the service trying to remember that one bit without being fully present during the rest of the mass. With that I have resolved to bring a notepad with me to mass on a regular basis.

That isn't it. If it was about bringing a notepad to mass, I wouldn't be writing another blog post. If I were to connect it to any one thing, it would be reflection. As egocentric as this may sound, a reflection upon my life, my choices and what has come of it. I like who I am, I am not who I hoped I would be, I am still becoming the person I am meant to be.

Yesterday morning I attended mass, and became reacquainted with a passage that had meant a lot to me and still does. It is about treating our bodies as temples as a space to glorify God. (1 Cor 6:13C-15A, 17-20). The passage focuses on sexual morality, but as of late I feel that it does not pertain to sexual morality but to keeping the body healthy including eating well and getting exercise. After some personal struggles a few years back, I have not done a very good job of keeping my body healthy. My eating habits and level of exercise have not been great. Those are daily struggles. Areas in which I fail to honor God and myself as God's creation. I need to remind myself daily to do this for myself and for God. 

At the Presbyterian service I attended with my friend the pastor explored "The Parable of the Pharisee and Tax Collector" (Luke 18: 9-14). I thought about how often I act like the pharisee, how often I have had that holier than thou attitude and seeing that nothing good ever really came out of it. It's about pausing and checking yourself. Living humbly and trusting in God's plans. As Henri Nouwen wrote in Bread for the Journey:

"Optimism and hope are radically different attitudes. Optimism is the expectation that things-the weather, human relationships, the economy, the political situation, and so on-will get better. Hope is the trust that God will fulfill God's promises to us in a way that leads us to true freedom. The optimist speaks about concrete changes in the future. The person of hope lives in the moment with the knowledge and trust that all of life is in good hands. 
All the great spiritual leaders in history were people of hope. Abraham, Moses, Ruth, Mary, Jesus, Rumi, Gandhi, and Dorothy Day all lived with a promise in their hearts that guided them toward the future without the need to know exactly what it would look like. Let's live with hope." 

I guess the point of this all is that I'm still learning to live, to live in happiness. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I've spent so much time trying to do and be what I was told that I was supposed to do and be that I simply have never felt that I have been good enough. Furthermore, I have let my own humanity try to do what I thought God should have been doing for me instead of simply trusting in God's will. 

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Guest Post at Finding My Virginity

hi folks,

i wrote a guest post for Belle Vierge at "Finding My Virginity" featured today about being a Mexican Urbanite Catholic Virgin, check it out here :)

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Tuesday Tunes #52: Electric Lady

i have been a huge fan of ms. janelle monae for several years now. recently, this particular song has been one of my go-tos. this song celebrates female energy. it's absolutely empowering in that she sings that women can do anything we put our minds to without needing to exert any extra efforts. in essence our G-d given gifts are all that we need and we have the power to take on any challenge. there are no words to describe the incredible feeling one gets from the beat and lyric of this song, so i'm not even going to try. just give it a listen:

Electric Lady - Janelle Monae
She can fly you straight to the moon or to the ghettos 
Wearing tennis shoes or in flats or in stilettos 
Illuminating all that she touches 
Eye on the sparrow 
A modern day Joan of a Arc or Mia Farrow

Saturday, March 22, 2014

the truth about love... pt. 3

so this is almost turning into an accidental series, i guess it's due to different realizations i have had recently. in the same vein i decided to include another comic from zen pencils. this one features a quote by someone who has offered me lots of inspiration recently, Brené Brown. her work has really resonated with me as she talks a lot about shame, vulnerability and simply feeling good enough. i can definitely say that i love myself, but i can also say that i have felt overwhelmed by my short comings and that has affected my relationships with others and myself. i feel like the comic below really speaks to all the negative self-talk that many of us engage in. the thing about it, it isn't anything that anyone else is telling us it comes from ourselves. much of the negative self-talk for me is rooted in real experiences with others that i have internalized. there have been countless times when i have told myself that when i do this, or accomplish that, or somehow become this perfect version of myself is when i will be able to face a particular challenge. the thing is, that day never really comes, because as close to it as i get, i'm never quite there, never perfect, never good enough. to be honest it stops me from living, sometimes i don't even want to leave my house, but i do and it's always okay. it's just that fear. that fear that keeps us from living, is that very fear that keeps us from loving and being loved in return. but you know, it's the first step that gives us the courage "to dare greatly."